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beachbum2282
08-12-2003, 04:29 PM
This one doesn't really have a title yet, but I've been kicking "Dance of Life" around the office lately. To me this poem is more about life than it is about death, but I put it in this category because the imagery seems closer to death than life I suppose. Anyhows, let me know if you have a better title; I don't think all poems need a title, but I feel like this one does. here it is, hope you like it.


Dancing skeletons dance on the water,
In the stream, in the swamp,
In the fields where black ravens and black crows
Look on from atop the plants.

The sky is bright but burning.
It makes smoke and smoke darkens air,
Dark air darkens the earth and you.
You are darkened and you die.
You are burnt out and turn to ashes.
Ashes turn to dirt and ashes fly.

Reap, oh reaper, reap.
Reap death and reap wheat.
The water lives and bones, they die.
Black creatures watch with golden eyes.
Hazy skies with purple sides,
The water lives, but all else dies.

Patchouli Patriot
08-12-2003, 11:39 PM
an interesting poem, however i have no suggestions for titles, i think you should go with your gut.

Cheers
Patch

Territorial Hawk
08-16-2003, 08:52 PM
This is gutsy, beachbum, and I like it :)

I like the title you've chosen, Dance of Life. Or possibly, The Reaper's Waltz.

Just go with what you, inside you, think.

Soul Tribunal
08-20-2003, 02:08 AM
Darkness Falls....

Well done, it is though A dance of life...for without life...there would be no death....

Dennis

shark
08-26-2003, 06:04 PM
' Black creatures watch with golden eye's. '

Chilling. I enjoyed this.

Regards, shark

Collin
08-26-2003, 07:45 PM
Maybe you can call it 'smoke on the water', or wait, is that already the title of something? ... :) I liked this piece. I'm not so sure I enjoyed the words "Dancing" and "dance" being so close together in the frst line. It felt redundant to me, but the rest of the piece I liked. You actually could call the piece, 'the skeleton dance' or 'dancing skeletons'... anyway, thanks for sharing this.