Monos

[Tavis263]

A putrid smell upon my frozen breath
Lay before me this salty winter
Which denies my silent groaning
Deep within the snow my body lies
The fear becomes the true skies
Emptiness surrounds my spirit
Like Simeon and his pillars I come closer
No one hears the loneliness of the snow beneath my feet
These visions are singular and solitaire
One glass of water contains the secret of monos
I thought I heard a child sing

[nickcid]

What a good ending... welcome to AC... that made me happy

[Collin]

Good work here Tavis. I like the style you use here. It's ambiguously descriptive if that makes any sense. I also enjoyed the ending.

In the first line, I think you mean to say 'breath' not "breathe".

write on!

[Tavis263]

Thanks for the typo correction... and the words of wisdom from everyone :D

[luvleerenee]

That last line was the clencher ...
a sudden stop that made me re-read the entire poem again with different eyes. Was Simeon closer to god with his progressively taller pillars, or was it his hermit like existance? In this poem it seems to indicate both, which I love. Maybe just me but I thought "salty winter" could allude to another pillar as well (Lot's wife) and all that could entail.

This is an excellent piece with much depth. I enjoyed it immensely!

Reneé

[turpentine soup]

good visions. good write.

-turps

[Tavis263]

Reneé yeah I think you certainly looked as deeply
as I have into this one. I'm not one to give to
much info on what I meant so each person can see
it through there own eyes or that of a childs.

- Thanks Turps

Motavis
motavis@futureskully.com
http://www.motavis.com