PDA

View Full Version : Forgotten Drownings

DeathMonkey
12-25-2003, 02:37 AM
Hi there, I'm Ellie. This is a story I wrote for a competition. It's pretty long though, about 45 pages in Word. Here's the link...

http://venus.walagata.com/w/rockchicken/1612130.doc

Please tell me what you think of it. I'm new to this site, but i'm going to hang around, it seems pretty cool here :).
Barbriat
12-25-2003, 04:42 AM
Happy Holidays, Monkey, and welcome to the Arcanum Cafe. Fill up a mug of coffee and sit over here near the brownies. It is Christmas morning and a little slow around here. I am looking forward to reading your story very soon. Probably today.
http://pages.prodigy.net/bestsmileys1/emoticons3/welcomeweb.gif
Barbriat
12-26-2003, 03:58 PM
Well, Monkey... your very long story was worth every minute. I enjoyed it and will probably read it again. I was interested in how well you mastered, and balanced, description as well as dialogue. Very well done. The minute descriptions anchored me into the story.

So how did this piece fare in the competition? You must be very proud of your work. It is amazingly mature to me. The title finally made sense, the ending was good, it was all well plotted out and written. Did you work from a preliminary outline?

I think you have the beginning of a larger work, if you choose. The shallow relationship with the mother invites more contact. The really good groundwork of relationship with the brother begs for more.

Welcome, again. Nice reading you.
Barbriat
12-26-2003, 04:06 PM
Back again. I forgot to ask why you choose to ignore Word's editing suggestions. There were a couple which I could understand that you ignored, but many more were a puzzle for me. It would be so simple to go through the story and make the Word corrections... but you didn't and I wonder why?

For instance:
Either, or
Neither, nor
punctuations
extra spaces
agreement in tense
agreement in number

Simple things. Why? I wonder.
DeathMonkey
12-27-2003, 04:04 AM
Thanks for your feedback. I don't know the results of the competition yet. The thing you said about the beginning of a larger work... I just wanted to keep it open ended. I thought the work would be more interesting without the reader knowing every last detail. As for word, I don't trust word. :P

Thanks again for reading.