Ben Grader
01-01-2004, 03:40 AM
The first day
Why they should pick on me I have no idea. Nor had they at the time any reason to single me out as far as I could see. I have always lived a fairly good life, never upsetting anyone and constantly looked to the needs of my neighbours.
If I had been holding late night parties or drunken orgies one would know there was due cause. I have led an orderly life and the first time I was aware of something wrong was when my car keys vanished. I INVARIABLY put them into the little dish on the hall table as soon as I come in. On that particular morning I dipped my fingers into the dish as usual to hook them out and there was nothing there.
Puzzled looked into the dish for an explanation, all that was there was a pawn ticket. A PAWN TICKET I have never pawned anything in my life. Indeed the very thought of raising money by putting my things into another’s hands in order to raise money is abhorrent
The second occasion that day was when my secretary brought me in a letter which she had typed out. It contained two sentences in the middle completely contradicting the gist of the whole. I of course reprimanded her at some length until the foolish girl started to cry gasping between her tears “But it is what you said on the tape Mr. Johnson”
Rather foolishly I said to her “Please do not, talk balderdash woman” She, needless to say immediately went to her superior in the office with the tape. Five minutes later she returned with the other and instantly insisted on playing the tape over. I discovered to my horror that in some way or other the words which I had spoken had become twisted into the phrases which the stupid girl had later typed in.
Now I must admit that as long as women kept their place I have not worried unduly about having our office staffed whith such flighty persons. However my patience was strained most inordinately when her superior insisted on stopping behind after the girl had been dismissed from our presence, to complain to me that many of the girls disliked working for me when they were assigned from the typist pool.
I advanced from behind my desk to ask her exactly what she meant by the words, also to remind her that it was the girls duty to do the work to which they were assigned. To my dismay the words which came from my lips contained no such message. “I’m sure that we two could manage all right together” I heard my voice utter. To my mystification my arm which had been down at my side starting lifting against my will and was wrapping itself over the shoulders of the supervisor.
“Mr. Johnson” she cried out “have you been drinking?” I tried to assure her that I never took more than a solitary glass of sherry before my evening meal but the message that issued forth was “Sure enough Tootsie. How about you and I having a little snort of brandy together”
My arm which I had been trying in vain to detach from her shoulder dropped and my footsteps were compelled like a mechanical doll to go to my desk. Here once more beyond my most powerful efforts to stop, my hand opened the top drawer. In it to my horror there was half a bottle of brandy and a rather grubby glass.
“Let’s have a go Sweetie” I heard myself say “Life is short let us enjoy a bit of nookie while we can” Her twisted witches face developed a panic stricken look. Moaning she galloped through the door. Several minutes later Jimson the office manager entered.
“Look here old chap” he started to say, only for me to interrupt him. “I have asked you before Jimson, not to call me ‘Old Chap’ you know it is a term which I dislike” I said “My name as you perfectly well know is Johnson” “Yes” he came back at me “And it is likely to be known as ‘The late Mr. Johnson, formerly of Ashley Priors Ltd.’ if you go on in the way which Mrs. Brown has just told me”
“But that was a mistake” I gasped, “I didn’t mean to” - - “No of course you didn’t” he sneered “what you mean I suppose is you didn’t mean to get caught drinking in the firm’s time” In spite of all my protests he insisted on reading me off a lecture, half of it about drink and the other half about womanising.
After the completely unjustified reprimand my work for the day was utterly shattered. I was completely disorganized and was asked several times through the course of dictation of a letter as to my precise meaning. I left for home pleased for once to be finished for the day.
I opened the door and entered the hall to be greeted by no scent of my meal warming in the timer. It should have been prepared by my cleaning woman. I went into the kitchenette and there on the table was a note from her.
..’Mr. Johnson, I wish that you had let me know before that you were going on holiday It would have been easy enough to have told me yesterday rather than making me come all the way to work today and find that you will not want me for a fortnight. I am giving in my notice and will not come again. I DID dust the drawing room on the day you said that I did not. I have always done a good job for you and yet you have always been picking on little things. I am glad to finish as there are plenty of others who want me to work for them. I only kept on for you because of having worked so long for your dear mother’
My dinner that night consisted of a tin of beans and a couple of slices of toast. The foolish woman had needless to say done no shopping.
Day two.
After the trouble with my car keys on the previous day I had kept them in my coat pocket. As I opened the front door after a food-less breakfast, I put my hand into my coat to retrieve my keys. There was nothing in the pocket. I looked in the other pocket; again nothing! Frantically I dashed up the stairs, had they fallen out from my coat? There were no keys to be seen on the floor of the bedroom. I was certain that the coat which I was wearing was the one which I had been using the previous day. Nevertheless I hunted through the pockets of my coats in the wardrobe. I had already been using the spare set of car keys after the calamity of yesterday.
Despite my search I could find no trace of the keys anywhere in the bedroom. I rushed downstairs again. I had not placed them on the sideboard, yet I checked. Of course they were not there, I hurried into the kitchen, there was no sign of them anywhere there. Fifteen minutes had passed with me looking in every place I could think of. I should be late for work. In all of the years which I had worked for Ashley Priors Ltd. I had never been late. In one last desperate move I looked in the jar where they were normally placed. In it were two sets of keys!
I rushed out to the car and finally got it going and myself, on my way into work. I parked in the underground garage which was reserved for senior staff and went up on the lift to the office on the seventh floor. I was ten minutes late! It was inevitable that Jimson the senior office manager was there to observe my entrance.
“I hope you do not intend to make a habit of this OLD MAN’ he said. I was too mortified to remonstrate with him. “I had trouble with my car keys” I replied “I just could not find them anywhere” It was at that moment when I realized what or rather who was the cause of all my troubles for the past two days.
What had I said to the new girl who had not only made a mistake in a most important letter, but had turned up late the day after, because I had kept her behind until the letter had been typed in its correct form. “I hope you do not intend to make a habit of this young lady” I had said to her. Upon which she had burst into tears, gone to the supervisor and given in her notice. How was I expected to know that she was late because her mother had been taken into hospital?
“Perhaps you will find what it is to be disorganized Mr. Johnson” she had said to me as she left. “In fact I will see to it or my name is not Sheba” She had smiled with a rather malignant look in her eye but at that time I had thought nothing of it. Now I am not so certain.
Please Miss Sheba take back your curse. I will repent, I have repented. I will reform my ways, I will not snap at the girls of the typing pool, I will be considerate. Miss Sheba. Please, please, please, I cannot stand being so completely at sixes and sevens.
Why they should pick on me I have no idea. Nor had they at the time any reason to single me out as far as I could see. I have always lived a fairly good life, never upsetting anyone and constantly looked to the needs of my neighbours.
If I had been holding late night parties or drunken orgies one would know there was due cause. I have led an orderly life and the first time I was aware of something wrong was when my car keys vanished. I INVARIABLY put them into the little dish on the hall table as soon as I come in. On that particular morning I dipped my fingers into the dish as usual to hook them out and there was nothing there.
Puzzled looked into the dish for an explanation, all that was there was a pawn ticket. A PAWN TICKET I have never pawned anything in my life. Indeed the very thought of raising money by putting my things into another’s hands in order to raise money is abhorrent
The second occasion that day was when my secretary brought me in a letter which she had typed out. It contained two sentences in the middle completely contradicting the gist of the whole. I of course reprimanded her at some length until the foolish girl started to cry gasping between her tears “But it is what you said on the tape Mr. Johnson”
Rather foolishly I said to her “Please do not, talk balderdash woman” She, needless to say immediately went to her superior in the office with the tape. Five minutes later she returned with the other and instantly insisted on playing the tape over. I discovered to my horror that in some way or other the words which I had spoken had become twisted into the phrases which the stupid girl had later typed in.
Now I must admit that as long as women kept their place I have not worried unduly about having our office staffed whith such flighty persons. However my patience was strained most inordinately when her superior insisted on stopping behind after the girl had been dismissed from our presence, to complain to me that many of the girls disliked working for me when they were assigned from the typist pool.
I advanced from behind my desk to ask her exactly what she meant by the words, also to remind her that it was the girls duty to do the work to which they were assigned. To my dismay the words which came from my lips contained no such message. “I’m sure that we two could manage all right together” I heard my voice utter. To my mystification my arm which had been down at my side starting lifting against my will and was wrapping itself over the shoulders of the supervisor.
“Mr. Johnson” she cried out “have you been drinking?” I tried to assure her that I never took more than a solitary glass of sherry before my evening meal but the message that issued forth was “Sure enough Tootsie. How about you and I having a little snort of brandy together”
My arm which I had been trying in vain to detach from her shoulder dropped and my footsteps were compelled like a mechanical doll to go to my desk. Here once more beyond my most powerful efforts to stop, my hand opened the top drawer. In it to my horror there was half a bottle of brandy and a rather grubby glass.
“Let’s have a go Sweetie” I heard myself say “Life is short let us enjoy a bit of nookie while we can” Her twisted witches face developed a panic stricken look. Moaning she galloped through the door. Several minutes later Jimson the office manager entered.
“Look here old chap” he started to say, only for me to interrupt him. “I have asked you before Jimson, not to call me ‘Old Chap’ you know it is a term which I dislike” I said “My name as you perfectly well know is Johnson” “Yes” he came back at me “And it is likely to be known as ‘The late Mr. Johnson, formerly of Ashley Priors Ltd.’ if you go on in the way which Mrs. Brown has just told me”
“But that was a mistake” I gasped, “I didn’t mean to” - - “No of course you didn’t” he sneered “what you mean I suppose is you didn’t mean to get caught drinking in the firm’s time” In spite of all my protests he insisted on reading me off a lecture, half of it about drink and the other half about womanising.
After the completely unjustified reprimand my work for the day was utterly shattered. I was completely disorganized and was asked several times through the course of dictation of a letter as to my precise meaning. I left for home pleased for once to be finished for the day.
I opened the door and entered the hall to be greeted by no scent of my meal warming in the timer. It should have been prepared by my cleaning woman. I went into the kitchenette and there on the table was a note from her.
..’Mr. Johnson, I wish that you had let me know before that you were going on holiday It would have been easy enough to have told me yesterday rather than making me come all the way to work today and find that you will not want me for a fortnight. I am giving in my notice and will not come again. I DID dust the drawing room on the day you said that I did not. I have always done a good job for you and yet you have always been picking on little things. I am glad to finish as there are plenty of others who want me to work for them. I only kept on for you because of having worked so long for your dear mother’
My dinner that night consisted of a tin of beans and a couple of slices of toast. The foolish woman had needless to say done no shopping.
Day two.
After the trouble with my car keys on the previous day I had kept them in my coat pocket. As I opened the front door after a food-less breakfast, I put my hand into my coat to retrieve my keys. There was nothing in the pocket. I looked in the other pocket; again nothing! Frantically I dashed up the stairs, had they fallen out from my coat? There were no keys to be seen on the floor of the bedroom. I was certain that the coat which I was wearing was the one which I had been using the previous day. Nevertheless I hunted through the pockets of my coats in the wardrobe. I had already been using the spare set of car keys after the calamity of yesterday.
Despite my search I could find no trace of the keys anywhere in the bedroom. I rushed downstairs again. I had not placed them on the sideboard, yet I checked. Of course they were not there, I hurried into the kitchen, there was no sign of them anywhere there. Fifteen minutes had passed with me looking in every place I could think of. I should be late for work. In all of the years which I had worked for Ashley Priors Ltd. I had never been late. In one last desperate move I looked in the jar where they were normally placed. In it were two sets of keys!
I rushed out to the car and finally got it going and myself, on my way into work. I parked in the underground garage which was reserved for senior staff and went up on the lift to the office on the seventh floor. I was ten minutes late! It was inevitable that Jimson the senior office manager was there to observe my entrance.
“I hope you do not intend to make a habit of this OLD MAN’ he said. I was too mortified to remonstrate with him. “I had trouble with my car keys” I replied “I just could not find them anywhere” It was at that moment when I realized what or rather who was the cause of all my troubles for the past two days.
What had I said to the new girl who had not only made a mistake in a most important letter, but had turned up late the day after, because I had kept her behind until the letter had been typed in its correct form. “I hope you do not intend to make a habit of this young lady” I had said to her. Upon which she had burst into tears, gone to the supervisor and given in her notice. How was I expected to know that she was late because her mother had been taken into hospital?
“Perhaps you will find what it is to be disorganized Mr. Johnson” she had said to me as she left. “In fact I will see to it or my name is not Sheba” She had smiled with a rather malignant look in her eye but at that time I had thought nothing of it. Now I am not so certain.
Please Miss Sheba take back your curse. I will repent, I have repented. I will reform my ways, I will not snap at the girls of the typing pool, I will be considerate. Miss Sheba. Please, please, please, I cannot stand being so completely at sixes and sevens.