nameless
01-08-2004, 04:26 AM
hello dark room n bright screen that ive toned down, so it doesn't wear down my eyes after the endless hours i spend staring down it each day..
you know at times feeling the pressure set up behind your eyes, just enough to let you know you've got something that resembles a headache and lets you feel your eyelids just so you feel as if you haven't slept in days and are withering away, but really just aren't...
makes it feel justifiable to go into a dreary, offensive, solitary mood that Gets you nowhere but waiting until you lie in bed and watch the blinking VCR light whilst your eyes wont close because of that same pressure that's caused by the random running thoughts and motions that wont lie to rest next to you...
and here i am alone in that place again, spending hour after hour in the dark solitary, watching a refresh rate splash pixel upon pixel into a mind thats slowly synchronized to 75 hertz and wont rest even after the monitor light stops flashing.
in those seldom moments when my eyes start to ache for something non-static and alive i go downstairs to get a snack and some diversion to rest worn eyes on...
and so this is life, tied to the pale dark first for some entertainment and when entertained enough bound by homework to tap the keys indefinitely, until the static wont let me sleep and i wake the next morning to go shower and then turn on to that slow whir again.
School and the 5 minutes of exchanging trivialities with my mom or dad are the only thing that silences the cutting whir of the fan that fills that same silence again as the only true friend greeting and welcoming me back in charted waters again.
loneliness and boredom are the two moments people really are faced with who they really are and what life really is, a brief lockup in a mirrored room, but most choose only to stare down and wait until the moment passes, or they run away.
somewhere I've read loneliness can be the greatest companion in the world, and i can say the more you live with it and have lived with it, the more you realize we've always been and always will be alone, a lover or friend only goes so far, (and are they truly mental, or mostly a physical need?),deep down there in the end all there is is you...
and there is the only one you really will be together with, yourself and your reflection.
so if all else falls into the depths the one ultimate solace is looking in the mirror and saying you still have yourself, which is why you should cherish your own being, take care of it well and be someone (and not someones ego) even you can love.
And for those that don't see the coherence between the first and last, this is why i can handle the computer screen tedium.
peace out,
-Leon
------------------------
since i havent been able to write poetry, or felt the need to write, anything ive cut this lil vent/rant off my LJ and gave it a lil rework this morning..hope its a good substitute for the stuff im not writing now...
you know at times feeling the pressure set up behind your eyes, just enough to let you know you've got something that resembles a headache and lets you feel your eyelids just so you feel as if you haven't slept in days and are withering away, but really just aren't...
makes it feel justifiable to go into a dreary, offensive, solitary mood that Gets you nowhere but waiting until you lie in bed and watch the blinking VCR light whilst your eyes wont close because of that same pressure that's caused by the random running thoughts and motions that wont lie to rest next to you...
and here i am alone in that place again, spending hour after hour in the dark solitary, watching a refresh rate splash pixel upon pixel into a mind thats slowly synchronized to 75 hertz and wont rest even after the monitor light stops flashing.
in those seldom moments when my eyes start to ache for something non-static and alive i go downstairs to get a snack and some diversion to rest worn eyes on...
and so this is life, tied to the pale dark first for some entertainment and when entertained enough bound by homework to tap the keys indefinitely, until the static wont let me sleep and i wake the next morning to go shower and then turn on to that slow whir again.
School and the 5 minutes of exchanging trivialities with my mom or dad are the only thing that silences the cutting whir of the fan that fills that same silence again as the only true friend greeting and welcoming me back in charted waters again.
loneliness and boredom are the two moments people really are faced with who they really are and what life really is, a brief lockup in a mirrored room, but most choose only to stare down and wait until the moment passes, or they run away.
somewhere I've read loneliness can be the greatest companion in the world, and i can say the more you live with it and have lived with it, the more you realize we've always been and always will be alone, a lover or friend only goes so far, (and are they truly mental, or mostly a physical need?),deep down there in the end all there is is you...
and there is the only one you really will be together with, yourself and your reflection.
so if all else falls into the depths the one ultimate solace is looking in the mirror and saying you still have yourself, which is why you should cherish your own being, take care of it well and be someone (and not someones ego) even you can love.
And for those that don't see the coherence between the first and last, this is why i can handle the computer screen tedium.
peace out,
-Leon
------------------------
since i havent been able to write poetry, or felt the need to write, anything ive cut this lil vent/rant off my LJ and gave it a lil rework this morning..hope its a good substitute for the stuff im not writing now...