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DarkestDoor
01-29-2004, 02:38 AM
Door closes
Whip cracks
Razor on my tongue
One kiss
Cloven flesh
Satisfaction
Satisfaction
Whip cracks
Flesh splits
Lying on the floor
Boot kick
Bloody visage
Satisfaction
Satisfaction
Sparkle knife
Downward swipe
Oh beautiful pain
Kill me
Pleasure death
Satisfaction
Satisfaction

Presence
01-29-2004, 07:10 AM
This is so brisk and fast, it induces me to hear the pain. Good write. Presence

Dandylion
01-29-2004, 09:40 PM
I think the pace of this poem keeps it alive. I liked this..loved the quick jabs...nice job:)~Dandy

TearyEied
01-30-2004, 10:05 PM
wow, good job. i really enjoyed this on...and the "quick jabs" do keep it alive. i like that alot.
Teary

Territorial Hawk
02-18-2004, 03:26 AM
Very different to what I normally read, a fast pace which makes it seem all the more urgent.

Well done.