Tuesday Afternoon

[Isaac]

I am a chain of obtuse angles.
Brittle Formica bones
caste in an appliance riddled home.

The sill filled with bleary shrubs
shudders from breezy fingertips.
While outside resenting sterile gas
rusted stems of matted grass
shiver in a patch of winter snow.

[Anitha Varma]

This is too real for comfort! Help! Very disturbing. You have captured the mood and have been successful in conveying it to the reader.
Regards, Anitha.

PS: I just hope that you are not really feeling this way :)

[Michael]

I must agree with Anitha. Although the extended metaphor is done well, it causes the reader to pause and reflect upon our human relative limited size and fragility.

Very effectively written for such a brief piece.

[monkey boy]

sounds like your obtuse angles could use some time in the sun :) nice work, lines 4&5 in particular.
mb

[Territorial Hawk]

While outside resenting sterile gas
rusted stems of matted grass
shiver in a patch of winter snow.


Isaac,

this is very well done.