"The Last Phoenix" by Auston Smith

[Angel Wings]

I tried to fly into heaven with wings I trusted so,
upon clouds of misfortune I only wished to grow,
but never accomplished those tears of agony
and never erased those fears of tragedy,
even in the horror of years I groped,
wondering if I ever truly meant all I hoped,
stairing down into a world I fall,
plummeting before a grave stone wall,
and with a gasp of air, one last flare,
I spread these phoenix wings,
breaking the sky open with a tear.

[laleesh]

oh, i like this!

that last word i know, in keeping with your rhyme scheme, reads tear, as in rent, or rip, but fits so well with the tear (lacrimation) of agony never accomplished on the ascent!


:)
laleesh

[Michael]

Auston, welcome to AC, the friendliest poetry site named AC.

I think you started with a good one. The rhyme scheme doesn’t get in the way of the content and tone of the poem.

In fact, your use of near rhyme in the third and fourth lines ensures that your message is kept intact.
Originally posted by Angel Wings
and with a gasp of air, one last flare,
I spread these phoenix wings,
breaking the sky open with a tear.
I find the changing of the scheme in the lines above interesting. Again, they don’t intrude upon the theme.

The dichotomy between sadness and, finally, ascension, sustains a well thought out title.

Well written. :)

[Poeticpiers]

Welcome friend a terrific debut
well written and rhymed but with layers of meaning ivor

[Territorial Hawk]

and with a gasp of air, one last flare,
I spread these phoenix wings,
breaking the sky open with a tear.


I love this.