Dandelion Suns

[emilyh]

Dandelion suns
strewn across grassy space --
half in sunlight,
half in shadows,
like a sad, troubled face.

What dark nightmares lie
in that dim, twilit place
between the dusk,
between the dawn,
where dreams and fears embrace?

Shadows, soft and gray,
entwine with sunlight’s lace
through the daydreams,
through the nightmares,
‘til dawn sets gold ablaze.

[Michael]

emilyh, first I want to congratulate you on your perfect meter and almost perfect rhyme. I say “almost perfect” rhyme because you choose to use near rhyme in the last stanza. That choice, of course, is quite legitimate, done so as not to lose the message and/or meter. Rhyme and meter like this are hard to come by these days.

Your repetend is nicely fulfilled by the subsequent lines in each stanza.
half in sunlight,
half in shadows,
like a sad, troubled face.
----------------------------------------------------------
between the dusk,
between the dawn,
where dreams and fears embrace?
-----------------------------------------------------------
through the daydreams,
through the nightmares,
‘til dawn sets gold ablaze.
You reinforce the original metaphor throughout the piece with your word selection.

“Dandelion Suns” is vividly palpable but contains a definite emotive quality as well. http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/contrib/fk/daisy.gif

[emilyh]

:o Thank you.

I have tried submitting this to several magazines. I got two rejection slips and am waiting for the third one to reply. It's hard to find poetry publishers that will accept rhyming poetry these days. Most of them only take free verse.

[Poeticpiers]

My Lady a revolution is slowly progressing formal poetry is regaining lost ground at a snaiols pace but progresing never the less I enjoyed your phrasing and word usage
Better a slant rhyme than a forced rhyme ivorimmensely