Hydropathy

[arciphera]

in isolated torment
a soul laments in thought
revealing cryptic pictures
of fractured things once sought

from lightly whispered pleadings
comes forth a soft abode
and turning from indifference
it begs a lighter load

osmosis settles inward
and grasps a phantom peace
reclaiming what was stolen
while trepidations cease

cascades of cleansing beauty
in waterfalls they flow
replenishing lost colors
and washing white as snow

behold the rushing waters
the trees that bring forth leaves
the birds, in skies and branches
that nestle in the eaves

they sing of the Creator
the Comforter of fears
the Calmer of all sorrows
the Keeper of our tears

with whispers of sweet comfort
such gentleness draws near
its beckoning enraptures
the souls of those who hear

imparting total comfort
it holds the hearts that bleed
and intimate caresses
envelop every need

so come, you weary laden
trade anxiousness for rest
as waves of splendor soothe you
and pleasures manifest

partake of pure existence
the ever-constant theme:
we slumber in a nightmare
but awaken in a dream

[Mac]

we slumber in a nightmare
but awaken in a dream "

well done..

mac

[shane]

Love the flow and momentum. Nice one.

[arciphera]

Mac: thank you for the encouragement and recognition.

shane: I agree that it has momentum, but I've never been entirely satisfied with its general line-by-line movement (flow). maybe that's because it's never been through any rewrites/revisions - what you see here is, more or less, the original draft. perhaps I have been overly cautious to not ruin whatever beauty (I feel) the poem already possesses; I've certainly felt at times that it could be better.

[e-piph[lol]]

i've read it thrice, enjoying it each time

powerful ending..you could always tinker in a seperate file,
for instance do a v.2 that is not dependant on rhyme.. see what that brings.

It had a calming effect on me, reading it.. while i could not relate to every image the overall piece felt like something.. you captured that something nicely

[shane]

archipera, I don’t agree that there is anything wrong with the line-by-line movement, in fact I found coming back to it after a couple of days, it was as flowing as the first time despite my knit-picking. Maybe you’re looking too closely? :)

You could try creating a version 2 as piph suggested and post it, with a poll, in Writer’s Workshop.

[Poeticpiers]

Enjoyed the poem overall one small thing bothered me The word Abode does not quite make sense to me ivor

[arciphera]

Poeticpiers: see the noun section of http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=Abode%20 for the definition of abode.

[Michael]

arciphera, first of all, considering when many of these pieces were written and when the responses were offered, it’ll be interesting to see if anyone will even notice that the prodigal moderator is back to offer his input.

If not, it’s OK. I’m getting to read some very poignant poetry, something I’m beginning to realize I missed quite a bit.

I’m happy that you pointed Ivor to the definition of “abode”. I wouldn’t have thought of it in the terms in which you use it. It certainly does make sense.

It works well as the piece segues from “nightmare” to “dream”.

Ironically enough, despite my being spiritually challenged, the following anaphoric passage is a powerful climax to the segue.

the Comforter of fears
the Calmer of all sorrows
the Keeper of our tears
The piece had a very calming affect on me as well.

[wind.oil.fire]

this makes me think of a poem Adam might have written a few days after he and Eve were excommunicated from the Garden of Eden....perhaps while he was alone on a wilderness treck away from his wife.

Love,

matthew

[angels]

excellent... deep... surreal... enjoyed.

[5letrword]

solid write. I like the flow from start to mid the best.