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Dopamine Overload

Posted 07-01-2011 at 11:03 PM by LadyBukowski

So if you go, take these words with you,
"It never goes away, just stays in a hidden place, in a ghost scent on your pillow, a girl who looks like I used to. I will be in a dream you won't remember, just wake up in a cold sweat for which you cannot account."
Even the shadows will have my face, and this holds, it seems, for more years than I ever could have imagined. The old loves, they fade, the old scars heal, and the new loves cover over everything else, but someday, everyone...
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Scent is memory's strongest sense

Posted 06-09-2010 at 01:00 AM by LadyBukowski

There was half a year (cold months) when I had a bottle of pumpkin pie scented body wash. It wasn't great for my skin or anything, but I always used it. I felt like the warm center of that winter, wherever I floated, whatever I had to do, there was always that scent with me. Vanilla deodorant and sweet fruity shampoo, the way I always dreamed I would someday smell while I learned how to be an adult.
Another year I had cucumber melon or vanilla everything, would always get more, took a lot...
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Shameless self pity

Posted 05-14-2010 at 03:50 AM by LadyBukowski

It's always the same, a room with a door.. It changes of course, I need to stop reading these stories, I need to get off the internet, see some freaking sunshine. The loneliness is crushing me, keep feeling like the desperation is going to kill me, yet I'm unable to bring myself out of it. I'll accept nothing less than my messed up version of perfection, but even then, I'd feel completely unworthy and blow it off. What's wrong with me? It really isn't that I'm not trying, I am, trying to listen...
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To a girl who probably thinks I forgot her....

Posted 04-10-2010 at 01:29 AM by LadyBukowski

Oh honey, you know I'll never forget your face, even if I can't even speak your name anymore. We can never really know what will fade in the end, but you have to know that some things simply don't change, unlike our hair. How many colors have we carried each other through? I still hold that I've never minded anything that I've done to mine, although I know you don't feel the same, about either of us. Yeah, maybe black was a mistake, but when it all fades out, maybe you can call me up, in the middle...
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Venting and clearing my head

Posted 01-31-2010 at 11:37 PM by LadyBukowski

It feels strange, being here in this skin after all these years. Despite the reassurances I'm not that old, "Still in my 20s" I keep telling myself, they keep telling me, but that doesn't mean to seem all that much. I felt so old by the time I hit my 20s, I guess I tried to get every experience I could, and in a way I still do. This is just another adventure, they're all adventures, but there's an element of caution now. I've learned responsibility, I've learned consequence, betrayal,...
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